ICU

ICU, this is just part of the very big group in my department. We know each and everyone by names and we work together as a team. 

I kinda love this family, my second home, ICU IJN. :) 

Fruitful day

With my heavy footsteps and tired body, i  entered my room after back from havoc night shift in ICU. Looking at my sister who was sleeping peacefully and tucking herself in the thick blanket under cold air conditioned room, gosh isnt that heaven?

Jumped onto my bed after showering and fell asleep in few minutes. Woken up by my sis after few hours, saying that she is hungry. I got up and we prepared to go out for lunch. Ate at kyochon, then we went shopping for clothes and many random stuffs. My purse, them bleeds. 

Back home at 6.30pm, after getting ready, we went down to gym to workout. Talking about working out, its not that i want to lose weight, cos i have nothing much to lose hehe. Its because im feeling so unhealthy recently, my knee pain is killing me especially when i squat down, or going down the stairs. And my stamina is dropping cos of lack of exercise. This is definitely not good. I took being skinny for granted, never bothered to exercise, and thanks to my physiotherapist sister, i am now fully aware of the consequences of not exercising. 

 

Did 30 minutes of bike cycling exercise and swam for 4 laps. It was super exhausting, even my fat sister has better stamina than me. T_T

It was quite a long day for me and i enjoyed every single minute because I'm spending it with the one i love, my sister :) 

That's all for today, goodnight! 

Back

Im back after more than a year heheh. Decided to start blogging again after seeing my sis's posts. So inspiring ☺️

Looking at my old posts, i talked so much about how many months i have been working and my working experiences, 2 months.. 7months.. And now, in just a blink of an eye, its already my 3rd year working as a nurse in IJN. I no longer count how many months i have been working, i count how many months left till i finish my contract with IJN. 

Not to say IJN is not a good working place, i love it. But im just missing my family in kuching, and im sick of living in KL. 6 years is enough. KL is always noisy, hectic and chaotic. 

What to do in the future? I have no idea. Im gonna start my degree course very soon, not sure if its a wise move, but it's better than growing old with one diploma cert only right? 

I also talked so much about my bf in my old posts. 2 years anniversary, 4 years anniversary.. This year is our 7th anniversary already, and we are still growing strong and loving each other like our first date. Its funny how a primary school mate, the short and naughty one can turn out to be my bf for 7 years ❤️ and he definitely grew taller after I insulted him for being shorter than me back in form 1. Hehehe. What a motivation ☺️

So long for now, byee 

YELOOOO

YELOOOOO. Who is still writing or reading blog? I think I'm gonna start blogging again, blog about my working days, be it happy, sad or angry day so that next next time I can read back and reminisce my working life in IJN hee. I now list this as my random and sudden new year resolution : To start blogging! :D Be excited!

GE 13

Today is 7th of May, Post Election Day 2. Yes this election indeed changed us, we become more united but is that all? Im so sick and sad because everywhere I see, I see Cina babi, Cina balik China posts in FB. I mean, come on people, this is the 56th year we Malay Chinese Indians and bumiputera live together under one roof, how could they still say something like this?

I have nothing against other races, Im sure all my Malay friends dont hate me too. I have so many Malay friends back in my college and hospital, they all treated me well. Probably because Im friendly too :) My point is, Chinese, please please.. Dont do something silly that creates chaos, whats with the silent walk? whats with the mask and the black parade? whats with the terbalik Malaysia flag? Are you aware of what you are doing? I know you guys love Malaysia but can you think first before doing something like this? This is really offensive, you cant play a fool with our Malaysia flag, it will lead you to all kinds of troubles only. I appreciate your guts to do this for a change but you should think of the consequences too! And now what happens? The extreme people use this as an opportunity to create tension between races. Apa lagi Cina mahu? What kind of title is that?

What else we Chinese want? Im a chinese, let me tell you what i want.

- I want fair and clean election, and at least allow changes. You see US, they hated blacks but changes happened and they have Black as president. Cant Malaysia change too? - If this election can cause so so many problems and nothing changes, i rather not to have election. - I want Malaysians to love each other, say no to RACISM. - I want everyone to fear God, fear and respect your own God. When you fear God, its unlikely you will do things that your God hates. Crimes, Adultery, Corruption, you name it.

When you are on top, its hard to resist corruption. I mean if you and I were president, how many of us can resist and really say no to corruption? That's why, fear your God.

We dont always know God's plan for His plan and thoughts are always higher than ours. There's surely a reason God allows BN to win for this election. So bi, no more complaining, I will have faith and follow God's will. No matter who wins, I pray to God to forgive all of us, and I pray for better Malaysia. Amen!

Random

Today is 30th of April, how time flies. My eldest sister is coming back from US in 4 weeks time! And my parents are coming over to unite with the 3 of us. How much Im looking forward for this day to come :D Hmm if you are wondering, i've been good :) Life's good with my youngest sister with me almost all the time. Hospital is quite busy now, im scheduled to work double shift this week but thank God i at least have a day off, which is today! :D Night shift is my favourite now, I get extra pay, and night time is less busy with not many doctors around to disturb you. But one thing, I always go to church right after my night shift and that is really killing me :x I fell asleep during the service, yawned like crazy and looked like zombie all the time. Im sure people will be wondering what was I up to the whole night, hey dont judge me, i stayed up the whole night when you all were sleeping okayyyy :p But the good thing in church is that people dont judge, Amen! haha :) This is a super random post, just feel like typing but I have nothing much to talk about. Ghost stories? yea my ICU is quite haunted but God's grace has sustained me till now, :) I mean its normal to have ghost in this kind of place, people come and go (as in dead), some go peacefully, some suffered till the end of their lives with no relative around to be with them. Maybe due to the drugs effect, some patients always talk alone and claim that they are talking to their friends or family. I have one patient kept calling me and asking me to wake her daughter up at the other bed. I looked at that empty bed, and smiled to her like hehe, very funny~ That bed is empty aunty, what you want me to do! And one uncle keep waving and asking his wife and daughter to go nearer to him. Even at night, he will talk and laugh alone too. This is rather scary and annoying as I kept imagining what if there really is someone there talking to them? :x Oh well, choi choi choi. hehe Thats all la, tata!

Old woman

Hi Im back :D Its been 7 months since I started working, my payslip! :D

Despite all the ups and downs, I still thank God for this job opportunity, and Im starting to love my department already. One problem Im facing now is that Im having backpain and I cant bend my body without feeling uncomfortable anymore. This is the problem that most of the nurses will face and now its my turn. sigh. Now i realized the importance of Body Mechanic. Too late.

我的姐妹们

There was a time when we used to tell each other: “Lets meet & plan something!”

and now we say: “Lets plan and meet some day”. Thats how the life change

姐妹们，我想你们了 :c

Faster faster fasterrr!

Why did I choose nursing? Why didnt I choose to be a teacher? If I were a teacher, I wont have to reflect what have I done and what have I missed after every shift, I wont have to worry that much. This kind of life is hectic. Im constantly worried. If I were a teacher, of course I do feel stressful but I guess the stressor comes from student's bad results only eh? Or maybe heavy workload plus management problem (as far as I concern la) In my case, every single mistake can lead to super serious mistake and may harm patient. This is really stressful. Tho i tried hard to avoid mistakes, sometimes I can just make mistake unconsciously. Thank God almost all my mistakes were near-missed so I guess so far so good la. I keep asking myself what if this is not near missed? What if I didnt realize, or someone else didnt realize? Things will be way complicated. There was once I diluted a drug, it was a vasoconstrictor drug. I subconsciously took another drug sticker, which was a sedative and label on the vasoconstrictor drug. I guess God knocked my head and made me realized what have I done. What if I didnt realize until the end? People are just gonna give the drugs according to the label, no one will know what is the content of the drug, since every drug looks the same, colourless. Labeling the drug is important to identify what drug is it but it only applies if we label correctly. Right? Conclusion is, I cant wait to get out of hospital and live a carefree life. Or at least make me a senior who knows everything asap. Im tired of being a junior who always need to listen to the seniors. Some taught you well; some made you confused. At the end of the day if you follow this senior and did something wrong according to her way, you will be blamed. Happens to me all the time, whenever I get nagged by others for doing things wrongly my mind will be full of hatred and blaming the senior who taught me wrongly. How much I wanted to just tell the whole world IM JUST DOING WHAT I LEARNT! STOP BLAMING ME! but yeah, I can only do that if Im some VIP's daughter. True story. 4 and a half year to go. Time, please fly faster. :C

Dead, or alive?

People say its good to be alive, but what so good to be alive if you are going to spend your whole life on a bed, living with so many complications and machines all around you? Eyes? Constantly closed due to light sensitivity. Nose? Tube is inserted to feed you milk and medicines. Mouth? Another big tube is inserted that reaches the lungs. Heart? Supported by inotropic drugs to help your heart to function. Lungs? Supported by ventilator to help you to breathe. Skin? Bleed everywhere due to impaired skin integrity. Backside? Bedsore at the back due to long staying on bed and impaired skin integrity. Kidneys? Hemodialysis is commenced due to renal impairment. Private part? Another tube is inserted to drain out your urine. Relatives? Visit you with full protective equipments due to your highly contagious infection, until you cannot even see their faces.

Talk about relatives, this patient's partner stays in hospital everyday, waits for every limited one hour of visiting hour just to visit her beloved one in icu, only take one meal in a day, neither rice nor noodles, just bread. You think the patient is suffering? I think the partner suffers more, physically and mentally. How many of you can afford to see your beloved one like that? From that very handsome face, the face that you were once so attracted, to the present distorted face? From the very muscular body, to the present bony and smelly infectious body? From how you and your partner used to spend time together, to right now, one staying in ICU the other one sitting and missing you at the hospital lobby.

People say its good to be alive, what if you are living like that patient? Do you seriously want to be alive? I will not. :(

我的爱

Like what Ac said, 爱情来了，怎么挡也挡不了, without realizing, I've been with him for 4 years, going to be 5 years in few months time. Is 5 years a short period of time? Time passes so so fast!

I talked to him last night, and I asked him when did he first like me? :') He said he liked me in form 1, I know I knew and heard of this before but maybe we didnt talk about this kind of topic for so long already, I totally cant remember that he ever liked me in form 1 :p But hey, I liked him first okay, back in primary 6. Guess that time the whole world kept saying I like that Mr. Chung, which until now I still do not understand why, so only my close close school bus friends knew who I really liked back then.

So we used the same school bus in form 1, little did I know that he changed to my school bus because he wanted to get closer to me :p aww! I kinda liked him back in form 2 form 3, he's handsome :'), and for the sweets he gave me all the time, for the surprise valentine's day gifts, mooncakes and etc haha.. all organised by the clubs, and i get to keep one of those only :

Yeah something happened in form 3 till early year of form 4 so we became normal friend only, or even further than being a friend, maybe enemy? We didnt talk or greet anymore even though we were in the same class. Kinda awkward at times :x We both got rejected or 'dumped' by our crush at the same time, -.- sad case! and thanks to the little interruption, we somehow get to spend some time talking to each other after so long and comforted each other, and we get to know each other all over again, as in in a different way :) Tadaa, cupic did his job, he likes me AGAIN in mid year of form 4, I accepted him in form 5, and yeah, love each other up until now, and counting :) Im amazed by how we both spent our secondary school life liking each other, its like all the way from form 1 until form 5 :) A friend once told me, 好马不吃回头草, why do I still accept him? well, i just want to say, 爱情来了，怎么挡也挡不了吧?

That's him! My best friend, my listener, my first love, the love of my life :)

Who am I?

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth

Would care to know my name

Would care to feel my hurt

Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star

Would choose to light the way

For my ever wandering heart

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin

Would look on me with love and watch me rise again

Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea

Would call out through the rain

And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am

But because of what You’ve done

Not because of what I’ve done

But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading

Here today and gone tomorrow

A wave tossed in the ocean

Vapor in the wind

Still You hear me when I’m calling

Lord, You catch me when I’m falling

And You’ve told me who I am

I am Yours. :)

Miracle do happens :)

Woah woah woah I have something amazing to share!

I heard this story from a friend of mine, she said that there's this lady who's currently in her ward, she was diagnosed with 98% of heart block back in Penang's famous heart institute which i do not want to mention the name. This is an emergency case so they rushed her all the way to IJN to get treated.

When she reached IJN, something weird happened. According to the report, there was no blockage in her heart at all, not even 1%. You may think that maybe this is because of some mistakes in Penang hospital but hear this, this patient used to have a stent in her coronary artery but now, it is gone. Totally gone. The stent's supposed to be in the artery permanently, there is no way it disappears by itself. Even doctors in IJN do not know how to explain to her and what to do with her.

We dont know what she did and whether she prayed hard to God to heal her when she was on the way to KL but one thing for sure, No one can make this happen, except God. :)

Lesson to learn :)

Today is a very exhausting day for me, early in the morning i was tagged with a senior staff nurse to take care of a patient. Few hours later, my deputy nursing manager (DNM) came to talk to that senior SN. After whispering for few minutes, my DNM walked to me and tell me that I will be in charged of this patient all by myself until the next shift because of limited staff available on that day. MAN! I was so shocked to hear that because Im not ready at all since all these while we were tagged with senior staff to learn new stuff only, I never handled a patient all alone before. Although I was a bit reluctant but another side of me told me, why not? So I just said okay to the DNM and told her I will try my best.

My first task was to dilute Morphine for my patient, I need to break 4 ampules of Morphine to get the dosage that I want. Unfortunately, when I was breaking the 4th one, the tiny piece of glass somehow slipped out of the plastic cover and cut my thumb. It is not painful at all but the worst thing is that my blood flowed out like mad just because of a small yet deep cut. I tried my best to hide it because if others realise this, things will get far more complicated such as I have to see my ward sister to inform her about this, and earn myself extra scolding and nagging, and lots and lots of forms filling, the writing of incident report, worst come to worst, I need to go emergency department to get my blood checked, to see whether I've infected by any viruses or not. -.- AND! I will add one more 'needle stick injury' incident to our statistic and affect my ward bonus. HA-HA. Funny. Okay come back :) So yeah, I tried so hard to stop the bleeding, i quickly wrapped my thumb with tissue and continue to dilute my Morphine because patient needs it already but the blood just cant stop flowing out, until there's blood stain all over my syringe, patient's plates, cups, everything that I touched, you name it. -.-

This is ampoule lo, we need to break it to get our drugs.

Second task, I need to take patient's blood for Arterial Blood Gases analysis. I syringed out the blood like a pro, everything went well until the very last step, which is before I inject the blood into the machine to analyse the blood... sobs, before I inject the blood into the machine, we are required to roll the syringe to expel air bubbles in the blood. Due to my injured thumb, my hand cannot really function well so I think I rolled too vigorously until I heard something like 'piak' on the floor. When I look at my syringe, its already empty!OH NOOOO.. The plunger just fell on the floor, and of course, including the blood, its everywhere.. T.T There was an abang there, repairing the machine so I called him, abang, darah jatuh... with my big eyes and kesian look. He went speechless for few minutes and during that few minutes of awkwardness I was soooo regret because why did I choose to tell him? He is not even a cleaner, who can help me to clean up the mess, or someone who can help me to reverse time, or a nurse to help me to retake my patient's blood. He is just an outsider, repairing our ABG machine.. sweat max... But he replied me la in the end, haha ( crows fly over )-.-

So yeah, after the thumb cutting and blood dropping incident, Im seriously dyed with blood, I think I cut my thumb at 11am, until now (9pm), my thumb is still bleeding! I just dont know how deep is the cut. sigh. My pants, my shoes, dyed with blood too..

After the choatic events, I really want to thank God that nothing 'badder' happens to me and my patient. My patient is healthy and stable, he loves me, he keep promoting me to his family members, and keep saying thanks to me when I ended my 12 hours shift for today :)

This is really my first experience in taking over a patient and its definately a lesson to learn :)

Havoc in ICU

Hmm I just received my salary today :D My large amount of money will only last for few days because I have so many debts and bills to pay, sighhh life's so hard!

Today I stayed back in ICU for extra one hour because emergency happens everywhere such as emergency chest reopen, emergency reintubation, sudden drop of blood pressure after surgery and etc. All happened in one time. Fuhh! I didn't stay back to help to resuscitate patient or help to reintubate or be scrub nurse in the chest reopen surgery, haha I only act as runner to help them take this take that, do all the easy but very very important tasks and actually I helped a lot okay :D Runner is very the useful punya :D

Talk about the reintubation patient, he is only an 18 year old very skinny teenager. He was just extubated this morning but he has difficulty in breathing in the evening so doctor suggested to insert the tube right into his trachea again ( This is called as intubation lo :) )

Like this.

Doctor explained the procedure to him, she told him if he still cannot tolerate well, she will 'tebuk satu lubang dekat leher sana supaya adik mudah bernafas'. SHE SERIOUSLY SAID THAT. This poor patient got so scared, he kept geleng his head indicating that he doesn't want to be poked and doesn't want that tube, I can see the fear in his eyes, and for sure the doctor was just informing him, not asking for permission so no matter how, the tube still has to be inserted to save his life..how sad.. Countless of drugs were given to him to sedate him so that he cant feel the pain or become restless, me and my friend were there with him throughout the procedure, we held his hand to let him feel that we are always with him. After half an hour of havoc, finally he has been intubated successfully, and his condition turned far better than before, thank God for the amazing skill of the doctors and also the help of the nurses, he does not need to ditebuk lubang dekat leher anymore :)

My conclusion is: We are just so blessed to be born healthy, so be thankful, friends :)

Who says nurses must wear in white and angelic uniform? See me, very the professional juga :D

Nah, i look like this when I dilute drugs everyday :p That's all for today :D

Thought of the day

Today when I was having lunch with my church leader and friends after church, I chatted with my mum through Line. My church leader asked me why am I so busy? I told her I chat with my mum, and I smiled :) She asked me do I talk to her everyday? I nodded and said yeap! I always try my best to call my parents everyday, just to talk for at least few minutes or listen to their voice.

For some of you this may seem a bit too 'manja' but for me, okay I'm not being negative or cursing my parents, they are in fact quite old already, I cant be with them all the time, I'm always afraid that bad things might happen to them and I cant hear their voice anymore so I appreciate each time when I talk to them. This happened to me before, the last time my grandma called me, I actually spent time to talk to her despite busy studying in study room that time. I walked out of study room and called her back, and we had a really good chat. ( Before that I never bothered to talk to her or call back when I missed her call. bad huh? ) Little did I know that that was the last time I talk to her via phone because few days right after that, her condition got worse due to cancer, she was hospitalized and can never talk properly anymore. After few months of suffering, she's gone :C When I think back, I am really really glad that I listened to my heart and chose to just spend time with my grandma, at least I still remember what was the last thing she told me.

*wipe tears* Okay back to my parents! Yah of course I do feel annoyed and lazy to call them due to the super bad line here, but my self conscious does not allow me to use this as an excuse to not calling them. Oh ya I found my mum's letter for me in year 2010, that was 2 years ago and if I'm not mistaken, I was still in Semester 2 that time.

Cute letter :)

For those of you who cant read or understand mandarin, my mum actually said that she's afraid our relationship will become distant if she does not contact me everyday. I cried when I read this yesterday. Now I'm reminded that she didn't call me just for the sake of calling, she calls me everyday just to make sure that we are still as close as ever even though we are far apart. Guess every mom thinks like that right? :') Hmm to end this long naggy post, I would like to urge all of you out there, spend some time to talk to your parents, or at least just call to say hi. They are getting older and older, getting more and more lonely at home because all of their kids left them to study outside, and I'm sure they miss you all and want to hear your voice. So yeah, call them maybe? :)

I've been in ICU for 2 months already, I've seen sad cases especially little kids get admitted after heart surgery, conditions went from bad to worse, moms cried their lungs out, kids turned unconscious, even big needles that are poked into their soft skin cannot wake them up. I feel very sad for their parents and relatives, its so hard for them to accept this, let alone asking them to sign forms and consents for doctors to perform surgeries on their beloved ones. Life's hard, appreciate yourself, and be thankful that we are born healthy. :')

Money, aih..

Guess im one of the very few people who's still using not-so-smart phone. I never feel ashamed of using it because i love my phone and most importantly i bought it with my own hard earned money few years ago but since everyone's using smart phone, sometimes i just feel so left out. Cant deny that im already working and I should be rich enough to buy a smart phone, to pamper myself but the truth is, a smart phone is just something that I want, not something I need. It's really not that necessary, so my salary doesn't allow me to have one, i just cannot afford. Many friends ask me why dont i just ask my parents to buy one for me? nah.. If this is an option, i would rather choose to use this old and lousy phone for the rest of my life. Who would ask parents to buy her a phone if she's already working? It should be my turn to be good daughter and buy them whatever they want as an act of love. Right? Im just 21 and here I am, worrying about my future and financial problem.. what a life~

Our testimony :)

After my sister Hui graduated from Matriculation Labuan, she has been worrying about what course to take, which Uni to choose, where to go and etc. Me too actually, i wanted her to study in KL so that I can meet her here in KL.

Finally she made up her mind to choose physiotherapy in UKM as her first choice so she applied it with the faith she gained from our Lord. Without knowing where UKM actually is, I just said okayyy great! because i only know its in Bangi, KL, quite far but that made me happy enough to think of the fact that i can always meet her up whenever i'm free.

Months passed by, she got to know from her friend that UKM actually has another branch in Titiwangsa, I was in Subang back then so i don't really know and care where her UKM is, i just thought, oh.. Titiwangsa, far from my place Subang la.. yeah that kinda thought.

She has been praying so hard to get accepted by UKM so that she can study here in KL with me. One day she came up with a random thought, something like eh bibi your IJN (my hospital) is near my UKM do u know that? something like that, i said OHHH U GET ACCEPTED BY UKM ALREADY? she said not yet, she just have faith that she will get it.

True enough, according to Matthew 17:20 , if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. It's because of her great faith, she got it! :D When she's finally here, we went to look for her Uni and hostel. Little did i know that her uni is just few mins walk from my hospital, and her hostel too!! HURRAYYYYYYY!!!! When we are done with registration and stuff, we went to her room.

(Due to her severe back pain, she has been worrying that she will stay at higher floor because she was told that all the juniors will stay at higher floor, then she would have to carry her super heavy luggage all the way up and might further injured her back.)

I really must give God glory because Im sure God knows what she's thinking, so He changes things around and let Hui stay at ground floor, with a sweet little chinese girl as her roommate. Her friends that stay at 4th floor told her that their locker is really really dirty and old but thank God, Hui's locker is brand new and her room is really really clean. And, the toilet is just near her room! :D I really thank God because He grant everything that Fui asked for, literally everything! :D And not to forget, she found a Methodist Church and also made so many new and friendly friends, who used to study in UKM before, so they will always be with her to guide her and tell her tips to survive in UKM. tehee.. I do hope that she will go to my church so that we can spend more time together but slowly la, as long as she feels comfortable there, and as long as she's in God's house, who am i to stop her? :)) ALL GLORY TO GOD! :D

My key :)

Oh ya I just turned 21 few days ago, when my sister Fui came to my place, she brought along present from my parents:

My parents gave me a cross and a key! together with the necklace :) Why do we get a key on our 21st birthday? This is because when we are 21st, we are considered old enough to be a keyholder to our family home, the key given for our 21st birthday is the key to adulthood, and we often given the privilege to come and go as we pleased, at what time we liked.

In short, this is a key to freedom! :D

Although this is an old tradition that has long since become an obsolete cliche, the symbolism of the key on the 21st birthday lives on.