Our first self-cooked meal ^^

Papa mama, check this out! :p


This is the first meal that we cooked by ourselves officially.. actually we cooked by ourselves 2 days ago but we bought rice from kopitiam, and we ate canned food.. all we have to do was to heat up the food only.. and we cooked jagung soup too..canned sweet corn, with the help of bannu..So, we dont really consider that as our first self-cooked meal..

But...
TODAY! we cooked rice by ourselves.. because only me and my friend in our unit so we did this without asking help from anyone.. hee.. washing the beras itself was a big challenge for me.. although i know this seems easy for me, but i still dont have the confidence yet.. :( and we also have huge trouble in figuring how much beras should we cook.. and how much water to cook the beras.. my friend suddenly came back so she taught us the technique to measure how much water should we put inside.. hee..



but but, can you see our master piece? as soft as mama your rice ah! :) looks nice, taste nice! :)



chiang chiang! this is our spinach soup, with 6 meatballs inside.. i fried garlic and anchovies first, then we threw the meatballs inside boiled water.. when the meatballs float up one by one, we threw the spinach in and followed by garlic and anchovies..

When my friend saw me eating anchovies and garlic in the soup, she told me she dont eat garlic in her mama's soup..and i answered her:

Usually I wont touch garlic and anchovies in the soup that my mama cooked.. but now im eating single thing inside, not because they taste nice; because i appreciate every single thing that i cooked..

-Quoted by bernadine- ^^
heehee.. :p

While waiting for the soup to be cooked, i, BERNADINE! use my own hands, to fry eggs! hee



But i dunno why.. my egg appeared to be soo much smaller than the egg that i fried for my friend.. hehe.. and i was having difficulty to turn over the egg.. i need more skill in that! :) but my friend praised me for the egg! hee.. how sweet and warm... :p



TADAAA! we finished everything! :)



Before and after.. :) erm 2 hours later i take picture of one more " final-after " pic la.. take pic of my chocolate cake.. hiak hiak! thats all~ :))

Sweet bf i have!

I talked about 2012 with my friends.. They told me the evidences of the end of the world in 2012.. at first i didnt treat it seriously.. but when i sat down and think, i was like.. omg? then i cannot get married with him?? then i cant see him anymore?? noooooo!! i know i was like a freak that time but thats not important.. hehe

so i message him..

bi : hani hani.. world is going to end in 2012??

hani: Lingy, world wont end in 2012 la..huhu

bi : But what if it really happens?? then i cant see u anymore?? cant kao ing with u??T.T I DONT WANT! :(

hani: Wont ya lingy, even if 2012 happens, we still will be together in heaven... :)

bi : Then u must be good boy lo.. if not i will be in heaven and u will be in hell..hihik

hani: I memang a good boy ya, dont worry la lingy.. hee



AWWWW SOOO SWEEET~~~ I love u hani!! hee

我的婆婆

婆婆走了。。 虽然我的心很痛，但是我早就预料到了。。 九月回家时，我去婆婆家探望婆婆，和她说话。。 问她还好吗，她微微的笑了，说她很好。。 她说话很吃力，也很模糊，我听不清楚。。但是还是很努力去理解她要讲什么。。我强忍着眼泪不要哭。。 因为不想要让她觉的自己很可怜。。我摸摸她的手，她也紧紧地握住我的手，还看着我，和我微笑。。 要回来KL时，我含着眼泪，哭红了双眼，告诉过婆婆，叫她要等我，我十二月就回了。。我还想要和她一起庆祝圣诞节。。叫她要好好休养，不用担心，因为她有主陪伴。。有什么事就在心里祷告。。但是我自己心里很清楚，这一定是我最后一次看到婆婆了。。虽然我叫她要等我，但是我也不要她被折磨到那么久。。所以我把一切交给主，由主来安排。。

回想起小时候，每天都是婆婆带我去幼稚园。。在幼稚园被欺负，婆婆就帮我骂他。。因为婆婆，幼稚园里上上下下的人都很怕我，连校长也很疼我。。我真的感到很幸福。。幼稚园毕业时，我有表演'拔萝卜' 的歌。。 我扮演着一个老婆婆。。 还要带一个围巾，我告诉婆婆我很怕，也很害羞。。 她讲我傻，没有什么好害羞的。。最后我还是有表演。。

一，二，三年级也是婆婆带我去学校。。我和婆婆每个星期五都会迟去学校，然后婆婆就带我去走走。。 我们每次一起喝barley+lemon,她说喝这个很凉，不会热到。。她还会买东西给我带去学校吃。。在半路上我跟她讲我要大便，她便停车，然后我在水沟大便。。 被同学看到了，我还死不承认。。这个只是我和婆婆的小秘密，没有人知道的。。 三年级时，我在放学的时候被雨伞勾到，跌倒了。。 眼睛旁边被擦伤到很严重。。我很害怕被婆婆看到。。上车时总是遮掉，但是最后还是被婆婆看到了。。她还没问我我就哭了。。如果你看清楚一点，我的脸还有一点点疤痕。。让我永远难以忘记的疤痕。。我每晚也会帮婆婆盖被。。黄色的被。。 人家都说我拍马屁，那时还这么小。。哪里知道什么是拍马屁，我只知道这个是我的责任。。有时婆婆还会叫我和她一起睡，但是我很少跟她睡，因为这是我粘妈妈的最好的时候。。

四，五，六年级时，我转校了。。变成爸爸载我了。。 但是这并没有让我和婆婆变得疏远。。 婆婆每天回家时，我都会自动拿药给她吃，一粒一粒黄色白色的药。。但是我一点都不知道那些药是拿来医什么的。。下午有补习，婆婆每天都准时叫我醒，还准备午餐给我。。 有时真的很不想去补习，还哭了。。婆婆和阿盈还会笑我没有用。。有时读书回来不想睡午觉，婆婆还会骂我们。。 叫我们一定要睡，不然晚上就会很累，不能学书。。那时候真的觉得很烦很烦。。也很生气。。都不了解婆婆的苦心。。婆婆每天下午也会准备午餐给我们。。那时我真的很瘦，如果我没有吃，婆婆还会骂我，问我以为自己很肥了哈？那时的我就无话可说咯。。乖乖的听话了。。

上了中学，我和爸爸妈妈姐姐妹妹就搬出了。。没有和婆婆一起住了。。婆婆有时会叫我们跟她睡。。她说她很想我们。。因为妈妈忙着做工，所以没有人煮菜给我们。。 我们就每天回婆婆家吃。。婆婆和姑姑每天都把我们照顾得很好，煮好好给我们吃，婆婆家就变成了我们的托儿所。。婆婆还会给我们零用钱，叫我们要买东西吃，她说吃得不能省。。 她还很担心，说我越来越瘦。。怕我没有吃。。有时候因为考书，我们都不想回婆婆家，因为要在家静静的学书，婆婆和叔叔就会带食物来我们家，叫我们一定要吃。。不知道怎么了，渐渐的，我们越来越喜欢留在家学书，不想回婆婆家了，便叫妈妈早早煮饭，下午我们回家时就自己弄烧来吃。。有时我们一星期才见婆婆一次。。那时都没有觉得什么。。 一点都不珍惜。。

在婆婆眼里，我是一个不会读书的人。。姐姐妹妹每次都考到很好很好的成绩，而我的成绩却无话可说。。有时她的话会很伤我的心，说我不会读书，以后去supermarket折衣服就好了，不用读到那么惨啦。。大家都笑了。。我想笑，却笑不出。。还是死死假笑，怕她知道我很介意她这样说我。。也不想在亲戚面前哭。。我是一个自尊心很强很强的人。。 说到我不喜欢听的话时，不管对方是认真的，还是开玩笑的。。我一定会生气的。。 我常常都会向妹妹诉苦的。。只有她知道我的心事。。妈妈以前也是常说我，但是当他们发现我不能被讲时，就没有讲我了。。 我不是小气，我只是很容易被伤到，开不起玩笑。。真逊！

得到offer来这里之前，婆婆很不喜欢我做护士，她总是叫我选老师，因为我同时也得到了师训的offer..但最后我还是选护士了。。 婆婆很担心，我便叫她不用担心。。我告诉她我做护士也很好呀，以后她老了我可以照顾她。。她微微笑了。。来到这里时，婆婆常常会打电话给我。。 我不曾自动打给她，有时接不到婆婆的电话，我也没有随时打回给她。。一直拖拖拖才打给她。。 婆婆一定会问我有没有喝水，叫我不要吃炸的东西，不要吃那么多鸡，因为这里的鸡都有打针的，对身体不好。。我都会哦哦哦而已，有没有做到，我自己心知肚明。。 婆婆也叫我帮病人换尿片时一定要戴口罩和手套。。 我有戴手套，我告诉她我不用戴口罩吧，人家会说我千金小姐的。。 但是她坚持叫我戴。。我只好答应她。。 但是我并没有听她的话。。 我还是没有戴。。对不起了，婆婆！

每次回家的时候，婆婆都会买很多东西，叫妈妈煮给我吃。。鱼啦虾啦什么都有。。但是我第二个annual leave时婆婆就不对劲了，她的癌细胞又开始扩散了。。 我一回到家，看到她我便哭了。。她问我为什么哭了，我说因为我很久没有看到她了，很想她。。其实我真的担心婆婆。。 怕哪一天她离开我。。她一直都有接受治疗。。直到八月一号，婆婆打电话给我。。 我那时没有接到她的电话，因为我在study room 学书，准备我的考试了。。可是我的直觉告诉我我应该要打回电话给她。。 我便跑出去，和她说话。。 她说我每次打电话时都没有叫她婆婆的，我那时便叫了她一声婆婆。。 她问我有喝多多水吗，我说有。。我真的有！然后我问她好吗，她说：“婆婆很好，你不要担心” 讲了没到两分钟的电话我们就说再见了。。谁知这两分钟，短短的conversation变成了和婆婆通的最后一次电话，最后一次听到婆婆最温暖的声音。。 那次之后，我不知道几号，大概五号，婆婆就晕倒了。。 被送进医院。。 还中风了。。那时阿盈要去美国了。。大家都叫我回家，探望婆婆。。看到婆婆时，我的鼻子都酸了。。 忍不住哭了起来。。 才一下子而已婆婆就瘫痪在床上，不能动了。。我只能够回三天而已。。 当我要回来kl时，大家都叫我别担心，他们会看好婆婆的。。

Raya时我又回家了。。那时婆婆已经出院了，我一回到家就大声地叫婆婆，告诉她我回来了。。她看到我时，开心地笑了。。还说好... 我那时很高兴，觉得婆婆越来越精神了，还会笑。。 但是第三天，当我去探望她时，她愁眉苦脸的。。 我问爸爸她做么？爸爸说婆婆真的很痛了。。连morphine都止不了她的痛。。婆婆，你的痛，我感受到了。。 我的心很痛很痛。。。一直哭一直哭。。 你也掉眼泪了。。我真的是很舍不得你。。 挣扎了两个月，你终于离开了。。 或许你现在已经在天上看着我了。。 看着我为你流眼泪。。 婆婆，我很替你高兴。。 生老病死是正常的。。我明白。。 那天写了封信，想要等朋友回古晋，然后拿给家里人，叫他们读给你听。。 但是已经来不及了。。不用紧吧。。 有一天我们也会在天上见面的。。 天已亮了。。 刚才祷告时，求主让我在梦里遇见你，想听听你的声音，想看看你最后一次。。 但是没睡觉，就没希望了。。请让我见见你，听你的声音吧婆婆。。

我想对你说最后一次：

谢谢你从小到大对我的照顾，对我的关怀。。 婆婆，我已经肥了，证明我在这里过得很好，不用担心我。。 你送我的laptop..我也会用我生命来好好的保护它的。。你对我的爱，我永远都不会忘记的。。 我爱你婆婆。。 一路好走！

haiyooooooooo

NOOOOOOOOOOO! In my previous post i mentioned that my video is successfully submitted dy.. CCRAPS! Tutor said very good very good.. But after our CEO viewed our video, she said we cannot put the Pantai College logo in the video.. we are not promoting our college now.. damn.. why dont u tell earlier??? :( Ok if its because of the logo only.. we still can think of a way to delete the slide.. but now the problem is, they still asked me to give the disc to my english tutor.. ask her to check.. WAH.. =.= she just check and change check and change.. i asked her dont change so much la.. If she change the script,we have to practice all over again man .. she said: Oh my~~ i didnt knew that! -.- ZHI DAO JIU HAO LA! but she still changed a lot so we have to redo and memorize the script again..

We always forget the script and tutor only give us 1 hour to practice and record on the next day.. The 1st time, chaotic.. second time, ok but need more practice.. 3rd time, smooth but when we say thank you and waiting for the conductor to conduct, my tutor suddenly say 'thank you' and smile.. hoi!!! what so funny! we were still recording man...she thought we finished recording dy.. half dead -.- then the 4th time ok la..not so smooth but bopien, must use this one because we dont have time to record anymore.. but i really cant smile at all..the previous one i still can smile nicely ah.. this one my face was like going to kill ppl nia.. zzz.. so friends.. sorry ya for the damn poor video.. memalukan only..cz its tooo last minute and we've tried our very best.. and i was wrong about my college la.. they dont want to promote our college.. my tutor said this is world wide video.. to create awareness about breast cancer.. i was thinking.. 才怪啦我的 video can create awareness.. hehe

GRRRRR！

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

I HATE YOU!!!

Disaster choral speaking

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.. BECAUSE ITS VERY LONG~ :p

I have nothing to do now.. just wana write something to spend my hot and boring afternoon.. fuh~

Recently nothing happened to me.. just done with our breast cancer awareness choral speaking.. I got to know that the reason for me to be chosen as assistant group leader is because i was absent for the meeting that day.. No one on the spot wants to be group leader so they came out with this idea: " Eh! choose those who dont come for meeting lo??? " damn! i didnt attend the meeting because i went back to kuching.. that was my emergency leave man.. fine..

Then me and my leader went to meet our tutor in charge for this activity.. But tutor said: " Bernadine, i want u to be the leader! " craps! i am a poor leader.. i was a group leader, lead 10 members.. and house leader.. lead 7 housemates.. My members said they love me as a group leader because :

1. i conduct few meetings as compared to the rest of the group leaders
2. even if i conduct group meeting, our meeting wont exceed 15 mins
3. i always choose to do things by myself..

not because im hardworking.. because i dont like to see people's facial expression when i give them things to do.. AND IM LAZY TO LISTEN TO THEIR EXPLANATION FOR NOT DOING THEIR JOB WELL..

4. i will try my best not to make my group members get into troubles

eg: I lied to my tutor that i forgot to bring pendrive on the day of our presentation.. the pendrive is in my bag.. just that my group members were not ready to present at all.. so.. thanks to me :) tutor nagged me like hell and i saved their lives!

Forget about the leader leader issue.. my breast cancer awareness choral speaking is really a disaster.. that is a competition among the classes in my college i guess?? First price rm500.. *blink* we have to record it, then burn in disc, then upload in you tube..the thing is.. we never took it seriously.. 2 meetings were conducted and we practiced twice only.. when tutor asked me about it, i said.. yea we are doing it well.. we are practicing and bla bla bla..

When the due date is coming, tutor started to ask about our progression and she wanted to see our video.. we just use digital camera to record in class and show her.. of cz.. we didnt memorize the script.. i wrote everything in mahjong paper and put in front.. and they just have to look in front and read.. :p But things turned up to be very sucks.. tutor nagged me like hell again when we showed her the video.. she blamed us because the voice was not clear.. and our actions were not natural.. and many more.. i fought back and said: "Thats the camera's problem! not our voices' problem.." then she said: "is that my problem?? since its camera's problem, then solve it! " then she walked away.

She made me feel very down.. We are students.. how can we afford to have a video cam?? or record in studio?? or she wants radio station?? zz then i started to be serious.. i asked them to practice and practice.. Praise the Lord, my friend said she has a video cam at her house.. i asked her can she go back and take? she said she needs to ask her mother.. Thank God again.. her sporting mother drove all the way from cheras to here just to send the video cam here.. We practiced once again in the class on the next morning.. then record..

We sent the video for tutor to see again.. she said she wants to see the script.. Then she did hell lots of corrections.. asked us to add this add that.. wth! We sent her the script earlier on and she didnt even say anything.. now she wana do sooo many changes.. i was very angry.. but i still change the script.. the problem was.. what will my members think when i tell them we have to practice all over again? =( I wrote everything again and show her.. she said very good.. and asked me to show another tutor.. and another tutor..and another tutor... i showed 4 tutors and changes were made according to their wishes.. We even made a banner for this activity.. until late night..

The next morning, when we were practicing, our tutor saw our banner and she just threw out words that hurt me to the max: " i thought u all are very creative.. is this the only thing u can do?? u all just make my disappointment and expectation down down down to zero.." wei... we just have 1 night to make it okay? i spent my time to colour.. friends spent their time to decorate and the others spent their time to cut.. tho it looks simple but at least thats our hard work ba.. i just stare at her and dun want to layan her anymore..

We practiced in the class again after she went out.. She came in again when we wanted to record.. we just do normally and tried our very best to show her we can do it.. and we practiced till we can memorize the script already so we didnt refer at all.. she clapped her hands and said WELL DONE when we are done.. i was sooo happy!! :) She asked us to show our video to the other tutors.. Then the other tutors still complained about our voice.. They said our voice not clear at all.. so they let us use the hall to record.. ok lo.. record again lo...

In the hall, the last row students stood on chairs and their complain was: Its not nice for them to see the chairs.. Chairs are for people to sit, not stand.. You cant show people things like this in you tube right?? try to record again.. FINE!

Record again..their complain was.. You must have some skills in recording! when one person is speaking, try to zoom her face! make it more interesting! Record again and again and again~ My friends stayed up until 2 just to insert subtitles in it.. they just say change change change without even considering our feelings.. yea i know we must not show such low quality video in you tube.. but we tried our best liao ma.. =( after all the challenges we faced.. finally we have submitted our video successfully.. Now my big question is.. WHY YOU WANT US TO UPLOAD IN YOU TUBE?? CANT U JUST ORGANIZE ONE AND LET US COMPETE IN COLLEGE?? Trying to promote our college? or really about breast cancer awareness.. sigh tired... :( If u happened to watch our video in you tube, dont laugh at me ya! XD Tho lots of changes were made but we still did it erm... badly? i mean not so goodly? or funnily?? XD

Anyway.. trust me.. no matter how bad iT iS.. im still proud to say thats our best master piece ever.. :)

popo :(

This august is soo chaotic.. my beloved popo is seriously ill and she is in hospital right now.. All my relatives visited her already but not me.. I dont know whats wrong with my aunty and uncle.. They said just because popo yet to see me so she doesnt wana leave yet.. BULLSHIT! if after seeing me will let her leave this world, then i rather dun wana let her see me.. i want her to live longer.. and i have faith that she will get better.. God is with her.. she has been a good christian all these while.. there is no way God will let her suffer.. sigh*

They even bought the clothes and big house that people used to burn for the dead person.. =.=!!! Do u have to prepare all these right now??? u just make me feel that u cant wait for her to leave.. sorry to say that but i really hate it! They urged me to go back to kuching tomorrow.. if everything goes smoothly then i can see her 2mr.. i hope by seeing me her condition will turn better.. not like what they said.. can leave this world without feeling reluctant..

This is a picture of my popo.. i asked aying to take a pic of her to let me see.. Tubes all over her body.. tears cant stop flowing down when i see this.. :(



She called me at 1st of august and told me she is perfectly fine when i asked her how is she.. she asked me to drink more water, eat healthy food and must take care.. but now.. she cant even open her mouth and talk.. i really cant take this.. oh lord... :'(

Must get well soon, popo..


I swear that my popo is one of the most important person in my life.. I know everyone will leave, and maybe by leaving this world will make her feel better, but i pray to God to reduce her pain and let miracle happen to her.. i pray for my grandma because the Lord's word says i should pray for her healing.. I believe God hears my earnest prayer from my heart and i have faith in God to heal her..

Lord, i dont always understand Your ways, and why my grandmother has to suffer.. but i trust you,..I ask that You look with mercy and grace towards my grandmother.. Nourish her spirit and soul in time of suffering and comfort her with your presence.. Let her knows that You are there with her through this difficulties..

I know you will get better, popo.. Hang in there! dont worry k? even if you leave, you also will be going to heaven and meet gong gong... after a while we will meet again up there.. thats the real and eternal reunion..