Dead, or alive?

People say its good to be alive, but what so good to be alive if you are going to spend your whole life on a bed, living with so many complications and machines all around you? Eyes? Constantly closed due to light sensitivity. Nose? Tube is inserted to feed you milk and medicines. Mouth? Another big tube is inserted that reaches the lungs. Heart? Supported by inotropic drugs to help your heart to function. Lungs? Supported by ventilator to help you to breathe. Skin? Bleed everywhere due to impaired skin integrity. Backside? Bedsore at the back due to long staying on bed and impaired skin integrity. Kidneys? Hemodialysis is commenced due to renal impairment. Private part? Another tube is inserted to drain out your urine. Relatives? Visit you with full protective equipments due to your highly contagious infection, until you cannot even see their faces.

Talk about relatives, this patient's partner stays in hospital everyday, waits for every limited one hour of visiting hour just to visit her beloved one in icu, only take one meal in a day, neither rice nor noodles, just bread. You think the patient is suffering? I think the partner suffers more, physically and mentally. How many of you can afford to see your beloved one like that? From that very handsome face, the face that you were once so attracted, to the present distorted face? From the very muscular body, to the present bony and smelly infectious body? From how you and your partner used to spend time together, to right now, one staying in ICU the other one sitting and missing you at the hospital lobby.

People say its good to be alive, what if you are living like that patient? Do you seriously want to be alive? I will not. :(

我的爱

Like what Ac said, 爱情来了，怎么挡也挡不了, without realizing, I've been with him for 4 years, going to be 5 years in few months time. Is 5 years a short period of time? Time passes so so fast!

I talked to him last night, and I asked him when did he first like me? :') He said he liked me in form 1, I know I knew and heard of this before but maybe we didnt talk about this kind of topic for so long already, I totally cant remember that he ever liked me in form 1 :p But hey, I liked him first okay, back in primary 6. Guess that time the whole world kept saying I like that Mr. Chung, which until now I still do not understand why, so only my close close school bus friends knew who I really liked back then.

So we used the same school bus in form 1, little did I know that he changed to my school bus because he wanted to get closer to me :p aww! I kinda liked him back in form 2 form 3, he's handsome :'), and for the sweets he gave me all the time, for the surprise valentine's day gifts, mooncakes and etc haha.. all organised by the clubs, and i get to keep one of those only :

Yeah something happened in form 3 till early year of form 4 so we became normal friend only, or even further than being a friend, maybe enemy? We didnt talk or greet anymore even though we were in the same class. Kinda awkward at times :x We both got rejected or 'dumped' by our crush at the same time, -.- sad case! and thanks to the little interruption, we somehow get to spend some time talking to each other after so long and comforted each other, and we get to know each other all over again, as in in a different way :) Tadaa, cupic did his job, he likes me AGAIN in mid year of form 4, I accepted him in form 5, and yeah, love each other up until now, and counting :) Im amazed by how we both spent our secondary school life liking each other, its like all the way from form 1 until form 5 :) A friend once told me, 好马不吃回头草, why do I still accept him? well, i just want to say, 爱情来了，怎么挡也挡不了吧?

That's him! My best friend, my listener, my first love, the love of my life :)

Who am I?

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth

Would care to know my name

Would care to feel my hurt

Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star

Would choose to light the way

For my ever wandering heart

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin

Would look on me with love and watch me rise again

Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea

Would call out through the rain

And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am

But because of what You’ve done

Not because of what I’ve done

But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading

Here today and gone tomorrow

A wave tossed in the ocean

Vapor in the wind

Still You hear me when I’m calling

Lord, You catch me when I’m falling

And You’ve told me who I am

I am Yours. :)

Miracle do happens :)

Woah woah woah I have something amazing to share!

I heard this story from a friend of mine, she said that there's this lady who's currently in her ward, she was diagnosed with 98% of heart block back in Penang's famous heart institute which i do not want to mention the name. This is an emergency case so they rushed her all the way to IJN to get treated.

When she reached IJN, something weird happened. According to the report, there was no blockage in her heart at all, not even 1%. You may think that maybe this is because of some mistakes in Penang hospital but hear this, this patient used to have a stent in her coronary artery but now, it is gone. Totally gone. The stent's supposed to be in the artery permanently, there is no way it disappears by itself. Even doctors in IJN do not know how to explain to her and what to do with her.

We dont know what she did and whether she prayed hard to God to heal her when she was on the way to KL but one thing for sure, No one can make this happen, except God. :)