我的姐妹们

There was a time when we used to tell each other: “Lets meet & plan something!”

and now we say: “Lets plan and meet some day”. Thats how the life change

姐妹们，我想你们了 :c

Faster faster fasterrr!

Why did I choose nursing? Why didnt I choose to be a teacher? If I were a teacher, I wont have to reflect what have I done and what have I missed after every shift, I wont have to worry that much. This kind of life is hectic. Im constantly worried. If I were a teacher, of course I do feel stressful but I guess the stressor comes from student's bad results only eh? Or maybe heavy workload plus management problem (as far as I concern la) In my case, every single mistake can lead to super serious mistake and may harm patient. This is really stressful. Tho i tried hard to avoid mistakes, sometimes I can just make mistake unconsciously. Thank God almost all my mistakes were near-missed so I guess so far so good la. I keep asking myself what if this is not near missed? What if I didnt realize, or someone else didnt realize? Things will be way complicated. There was once I diluted a drug, it was a vasoconstrictor drug. I subconsciously took another drug sticker, which was a sedative and label on the vasoconstrictor drug. I guess God knocked my head and made me realized what have I done. What if I didnt realize until the end? People are just gonna give the drugs according to the label, no one will know what is the content of the drug, since every drug looks the same, colourless. Labeling the drug is important to identify what drug is it but it only applies if we label correctly. Right? Conclusion is, I cant wait to get out of hospital and live a carefree life. Or at least make me a senior who knows everything asap. Im tired of being a junior who always need to listen to the seniors. Some taught you well; some made you confused. At the end of the day if you follow this senior and did something wrong according to her way, you will be blamed. Happens to me all the time, whenever I get nagged by others for doing things wrongly my mind will be full of hatred and blaming the senior who taught me wrongly. How much I wanted to just tell the whole world IM JUST DOING WHAT I LEARNT! STOP BLAMING ME! but yeah, I can only do that if Im some VIP's daughter. True story. 4 and a half year to go. Time, please fly faster. :C

Dead, or alive?

People say its good to be alive, but what so good to be alive if you are going to spend your whole life on a bed, living with so many complications and machines all around you? Eyes? Constantly closed due to light sensitivity. Nose? Tube is inserted to feed you milk and medicines. Mouth? Another big tube is inserted that reaches the lungs. Heart? Supported by inotropic drugs to help your heart to function. Lungs? Supported by ventilator to help you to breathe. Skin? Bleed everywhere due to impaired skin integrity. Backside? Bedsore at the back due to long staying on bed and impaired skin integrity. Kidneys? Hemodialysis is commenced due to renal impairment. Private part? Another tube is inserted to drain out your urine. Relatives? Visit you with full protective equipments due to your highly contagious infection, until you cannot even see their faces.

Talk about relatives, this patient's partner stays in hospital everyday, waits for every limited one hour of visiting hour just to visit her beloved one in icu, only take one meal in a day, neither rice nor noodles, just bread. You think the patient is suffering? I think the partner suffers more, physically and mentally. How many of you can afford to see your beloved one like that? From that very handsome face, the face that you were once so attracted, to the present distorted face? From the very muscular body, to the present bony and smelly infectious body? From how you and your partner used to spend time together, to right now, one staying in ICU the other one sitting and missing you at the hospital lobby.

People say its good to be alive, what if you are living like that patient? Do you seriously want to be alive? I will not. :(

我的爱

Like what Ac said, 爱情来了，怎么挡也挡不了, without realizing, I've been with him for 4 years, going to be 5 years in few months time. Is 5 years a short period of time? Time passes so so fast!

I talked to him last night, and I asked him when did he first like me? :') He said he liked me in form 1, I know I knew and heard of this before but maybe we didnt talk about this kind of topic for so long already, I totally cant remember that he ever liked me in form 1 :p But hey, I liked him first okay, back in primary 6. Guess that time the whole world kept saying I like that Mr. Chung, which until now I still do not understand why, so only my close close school bus friends knew who I really liked back then.

So we used the same school bus in form 1, little did I know that he changed to my school bus because he wanted to get closer to me :p aww! I kinda liked him back in form 2 form 3, he's handsome :'), and for the sweets he gave me all the time, for the surprise valentine's day gifts, mooncakes and etc haha.. all organised by the clubs, and i get to keep one of those only :

Yeah something happened in form 3 till early year of form 4 so we became normal friend only, or even further than being a friend, maybe enemy? We didnt talk or greet anymore even though we were in the same class. Kinda awkward at times :x We both got rejected or 'dumped' by our crush at the same time, -.- sad case! and thanks to the little interruption, we somehow get to spend some time talking to each other after so long and comforted each other, and we get to know each other all over again, as in in a different way :) Tadaa, cupic did his job, he likes me AGAIN in mid year of form 4, I accepted him in form 5, and yeah, love each other up until now, and counting :) Im amazed by how we both spent our secondary school life liking each other, its like all the way from form 1 until form 5 :) A friend once told me, 好马不吃回头草, why do I still accept him? well, i just want to say, 爱情来了，怎么挡也挡不了吧?

That's him! My best friend, my listener, my first love, the love of my life :)

Who am I?

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth

Would care to know my name

Would care to feel my hurt

Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star

Would choose to light the way

For my ever wandering heart

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin

Would look on me with love and watch me rise again

Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea

Would call out through the rain

And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am

But because of what You’ve done

Not because of what I’ve done

But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading

Here today and gone tomorrow

A wave tossed in the ocean

Vapor in the wind

Still You hear me when I’m calling

Lord, You catch me when I’m falling

And You’ve told me who I am

I am Yours. :)

Miracle do happens :)

Woah woah woah I have something amazing to share!

I heard this story from a friend of mine, she said that there's this lady who's currently in her ward, she was diagnosed with 98% of heart block back in Penang's famous heart institute which i do not want to mention the name. This is an emergency case so they rushed her all the way to IJN to get treated.

When she reached IJN, something weird happened. According to the report, there was no blockage in her heart at all, not even 1%. You may think that maybe this is because of some mistakes in Penang hospital but hear this, this patient used to have a stent in her coronary artery but now, it is gone. Totally gone. The stent's supposed to be in the artery permanently, there is no way it disappears by itself. Even doctors in IJN do not know how to explain to her and what to do with her.

We dont know what she did and whether she prayed hard to God to heal her when she was on the way to KL but one thing for sure, No one can make this happen, except God. :)

Lesson to learn :)

Today is a very exhausting day for me, early in the morning i was tagged with a senior staff nurse to take care of a patient. Few hours later, my deputy nursing manager (DNM) came to talk to that senior SN. After whispering for few minutes, my DNM walked to me and tell me that I will be in charged of this patient all by myself until the next shift because of limited staff available on that day. MAN! I was so shocked to hear that because Im not ready at all since all these while we were tagged with senior staff to learn new stuff only, I never handled a patient all alone before. Although I was a bit reluctant but another side of me told me, why not? So I just said okay to the DNM and told her I will try my best.

My first task was to dilute Morphine for my patient, I need to break 4 ampules of Morphine to get the dosage that I want. Unfortunately, when I was breaking the 4th one, the tiny piece of glass somehow slipped out of the plastic cover and cut my thumb. It is not painful at all but the worst thing is that my blood flowed out like mad just because of a small yet deep cut. I tried my best to hide it because if others realise this, things will get far more complicated such as I have to see my ward sister to inform her about this, and earn myself extra scolding and nagging, and lots and lots of forms filling, the writing of incident report, worst come to worst, I need to go emergency department to get my blood checked, to see whether I've infected by any viruses or not. -.- AND! I will add one more 'needle stick injury' incident to our statistic and affect my ward bonus. HA-HA. Funny. Okay come back :) So yeah, I tried so hard to stop the bleeding, i quickly wrapped my thumb with tissue and continue to dilute my Morphine because patient needs it already but the blood just cant stop flowing out, until there's blood stain all over my syringe, patient's plates, cups, everything that I touched, you name it. -.-

This is ampoule lo, we need to break it to get our drugs.

Second task, I need to take patient's blood for Arterial Blood Gases analysis. I syringed out the blood like a pro, everything went well until the very last step, which is before I inject the blood into the machine to analyse the blood... sobs, before I inject the blood into the machine, we are required to roll the syringe to expel air bubbles in the blood. Due to my injured thumb, my hand cannot really function well so I think I rolled too vigorously until I heard something like 'piak' on the floor. When I look at my syringe, its already empty!OH NOOOO.. The plunger just fell on the floor, and of course, including the blood, its everywhere.. T.T There was an abang there, repairing the machine so I called him, abang, darah jatuh... with my big eyes and kesian look. He went speechless for few minutes and during that few minutes of awkwardness I was soooo regret because why did I choose to tell him? He is not even a cleaner, who can help me to clean up the mess, or someone who can help me to reverse time, or a nurse to help me to retake my patient's blood. He is just an outsider, repairing our ABG machine.. sweat max... But he replied me la in the end, haha ( crows fly over )-.-

So yeah, after the thumb cutting and blood dropping incident, Im seriously dyed with blood, I think I cut my thumb at 11am, until now (9pm), my thumb is still bleeding! I just dont know how deep is the cut. sigh. My pants, my shoes, dyed with blood too..

After the choatic events, I really want to thank God that nothing 'badder' happens to me and my patient. My patient is healthy and stable, he loves me, he keep promoting me to his family members, and keep saying thanks to me when I ended my 12 hours shift for today :)

This is really my first experience in taking over a patient and its definately a lesson to learn :)

Havoc in ICU

Hmm I just received my salary today :D My large amount of money will only last for few days because I have so many debts and bills to pay, sighhh life's so hard!

Today I stayed back in ICU for extra one hour because emergency happens everywhere such as emergency chest reopen, emergency reintubation, sudden drop of blood pressure after surgery and etc. All happened in one time. Fuhh! I didn't stay back to help to resuscitate patient or help to reintubate or be scrub nurse in the chest reopen surgery, haha I only act as runner to help them take this take that, do all the easy but very very important tasks and actually I helped a lot okay :D Runner is very the useful punya :D

Talk about the reintubation patient, he is only an 18 year old very skinny teenager. He was just extubated this morning but he has difficulty in breathing in the evening so doctor suggested to insert the tube right into his trachea again ( This is called as intubation lo :) )

Like this.

Doctor explained the procedure to him, she told him if he still cannot tolerate well, she will 'tebuk satu lubang dekat leher sana supaya adik mudah bernafas'. SHE SERIOUSLY SAID THAT. This poor patient got so scared, he kept geleng his head indicating that he doesn't want to be poked and doesn't want that tube, I can see the fear in his eyes, and for sure the doctor was just informing him, not asking for permission so no matter how, the tube still has to be inserted to save his life..how sad.. Countless of drugs were given to him to sedate him so that he cant feel the pain or become restless, me and my friend were there with him throughout the procedure, we held his hand to let him feel that we are always with him. After half an hour of havoc, finally he has been intubated successfully, and his condition turned far better than before, thank God for the amazing skill of the doctors and also the help of the nurses, he does not need to ditebuk lubang dekat leher anymore :)

My conclusion is: We are just so blessed to be born healthy, so be thankful, friends :)

Who says nurses must wear in white and angelic uniform? See me, very the professional juga :D

Nah, i look like this when I dilute drugs everyday :p That's all for today :D

Thought of the day

Today when I was having lunch with my church leader and friends after church, I chatted with my mum through Line. My church leader asked me why am I so busy? I told her I chat with my mum, and I smiled :) She asked me do I talk to her everyday? I nodded and said yeap! I always try my best to call my parents everyday, just to talk for at least few minutes or listen to their voice.

For some of you this may seem a bit too 'manja' but for me, okay I'm not being negative or cursing my parents, they are in fact quite old already, I cant be with them all the time, I'm always afraid that bad things might happen to them and I cant hear their voice anymore so I appreciate each time when I talk to them. This happened to me before, the last time my grandma called me, I actually spent time to talk to her despite busy studying in study room that time. I walked out of study room and called her back, and we had a really good chat. ( Before that I never bothered to talk to her or call back when I missed her call. bad huh? ) Little did I know that that was the last time I talk to her via phone because few days right after that, her condition got worse due to cancer, she was hospitalized and can never talk properly anymore. After few months of suffering, she's gone :C When I think back, I am really really glad that I listened to my heart and chose to just spend time with my grandma, at least I still remember what was the last thing she told me.

*wipe tears* Okay back to my parents! Yah of course I do feel annoyed and lazy to call them due to the super bad line here, but my self conscious does not allow me to use this as an excuse to not calling them. Oh ya I found my mum's letter for me in year 2010, that was 2 years ago and if I'm not mistaken, I was still in Semester 2 that time.

Cute letter :)

For those of you who cant read or understand mandarin, my mum actually said that she's afraid our relationship will become distant if she does not contact me everyday. I cried when I read this yesterday. Now I'm reminded that she didn't call me just for the sake of calling, she calls me everyday just to make sure that we are still as close as ever even though we are far apart. Guess every mom thinks like that right? :') Hmm to end this long naggy post, I would like to urge all of you out there, spend some time to talk to your parents, or at least just call to say hi. They are getting older and older, getting more and more lonely at home because all of their kids left them to study outside, and I'm sure they miss you all and want to hear your voice. So yeah, call them maybe? :)

I've been in ICU for 2 months already, I've seen sad cases especially little kids get admitted after heart surgery, conditions went from bad to worse, moms cried their lungs out, kids turned unconscious, even big needles that are poked into their soft skin cannot wake them up. I feel very sad for their parents and relatives, its so hard for them to accept this, let alone asking them to sign forms and consents for doctors to perform surgeries on their beloved ones. Life's hard, appreciate yourself, and be thankful that we are born healthy. :')

Money, aih..

Guess im one of the very few people who's still using not-so-smart phone. I never feel ashamed of using it because i love my phone and most importantly i bought it with my own hard earned money few years ago but since everyone's using smart phone, sometimes i just feel so left out. Cant deny that im already working and I should be rich enough to buy a smart phone, to pamper myself but the truth is, a smart phone is just something that I want, not something I need. It's really not that necessary, so my salary doesn't allow me to have one, i just cannot afford. Many friends ask me why dont i just ask my parents to buy one for me? nah.. If this is an option, i would rather choose to use this old and lousy phone for the rest of my life. Who would ask parents to buy her a phone if she's already working? It should be my turn to be good daughter and buy them whatever they want as an act of love. Right? Im just 21 and here I am, worrying about my future and financial problem.. what a life~

Our testimony :)

After my sister Hui graduated from Matriculation Labuan, she has been worrying about what course to take, which Uni to choose, where to go and etc. Me too actually, i wanted her to study in KL so that I can meet her here in KL.

Finally she made up her mind to choose physiotherapy in UKM as her first choice so she applied it with the faith she gained from our Lord. Without knowing where UKM actually is, I just said okayyy great! because i only know its in Bangi, KL, quite far but that made me happy enough to think of the fact that i can always meet her up whenever i'm free.

Months passed by, she got to know from her friend that UKM actually has another branch in Titiwangsa, I was in Subang back then so i don't really know and care where her UKM is, i just thought, oh.. Titiwangsa, far from my place Subang la.. yeah that kinda thought.

She has been praying so hard to get accepted by UKM so that she can study here in KL with me. One day she came up with a random thought, something like eh bibi your IJN (my hospital) is near my UKM do u know that? something like that, i said OHHH U GET ACCEPTED BY UKM ALREADY? she said not yet, she just have faith that she will get it.

True enough, according to Matthew 17:20 , if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. It's because of her great faith, she got it! :D When she's finally here, we went to look for her Uni and hostel. Little did i know that her uni is just few mins walk from my hospital, and her hostel too!! HURRAYYYYYYY!!!! When we are done with registration and stuff, we went to her room.

(Due to her severe back pain, she has been worrying that she will stay at higher floor because she was told that all the juniors will stay at higher floor, then she would have to carry her super heavy luggage all the way up and might further injured her back.)

I really must give God glory because Im sure God knows what she's thinking, so He changes things around and let Hui stay at ground floor, with a sweet little chinese girl as her roommate. Her friends that stay at 4th floor told her that their locker is really really dirty and old but thank God, Hui's locker is brand new and her room is really really clean. And, the toilet is just near her room! :D I really thank God because He grant everything that Fui asked for, literally everything! :D And not to forget, she found a Methodist Church and also made so many new and friendly friends, who used to study in UKM before, so they will always be with her to guide her and tell her tips to survive in UKM. tehee.. I do hope that she will go to my church so that we can spend more time together but slowly la, as long as she feels comfortable there, and as long as she's in God's house, who am i to stop her? :)) ALL GLORY TO GOD! :D

My key :)

Oh ya I just turned 21 few days ago, when my sister Fui came to my place, she brought along present from my parents:

My parents gave me a cross and a key! together with the necklace :) Why do we get a key on our 21st birthday? This is because when we are 21st, we are considered old enough to be a keyholder to our family home, the key given for our 21st birthday is the key to adulthood, and we often given the privilege to come and go as we pleased, at what time we liked.

In short, this is a key to freedom! :D

Although this is an old tradition that has long since become an obsolete cliche, the symbolism of the key on the 21st birthday lives on.

Love letter? :p

When i was cleaning and unpacking my stuffs, suddenly i came across this lil paper. It was my first letter from my patient! I got it when i was in sem 1. That patient is a teen, maybe 17 or 18 years old, he gave the letter to my ward sister and asked her to pass it to me..

Gosh! he asked my ward sister! she's a.k.a the big boss in my ward! She gave it to me in front of everyone.. awkwardness~

Im still keeping this letter because I think its very sweet, at least someone in the ward, especially my patient appreciates me :D aww this definitely made my day today.. hehe

Cuteness overload!

This post is all about the cuties in my house! :p OK so this is a pair of couple :p one is Gucci the other one is Godeo :p

They always spend time together in the cage, playing, chasing, sleeping and etc together. Few weeks later, we realized there's something wrong with Gucci, she became big eater, became so fierce so we presumed that she's pregnant!! :D Of course, nothing happened for the first week so we thought we are just exaggerating, she's not even pregnant! nevermind then..

See, how fat! :p

Malang tidak berbau, on the 31st of July, we got back from hospital, taken our dinner and preparing to take bath, suddenly my friend screamed and she told us that Gucci has already given birth! i went and see, gosh. 5 BABIES! they look like worms, sorry to say but they look very disgusting ;x

We are not allowed to look or touch the baby hamsters as the mom will eat them up, even the father is not allowed too. We quickly move the father out and place him in my pail XD see his emo face :c

Few days old, getting bigger, but still disgusting :p

Awwww.. Few weeks later, the babies finally got fur! :p One got eaten by the mom when he was just few days old, poor him :c

Mag the owner of the hamsters bought a new cage for him, uhuk, still emo :C love sick i guess..

The babies finally can eat by themselves, no need breastfeeding anymore :p

Om nom nom!

The greyish colour baby is called Apple! he is the chubbiest and fluffiest baby among them all :p AND THE MOST ACTIVE ONE TOO! awwww

NAWWWW... I took this pic today, see how fast! they become soo big and fat already! :p

See the big fat ass! The one looking at me is the mom, Gucci! the death stare :x

This mommy quite useless lo, she can push the babies away and sit in the container to eat alone. Tsk tsk tsk but in this case, the babies got into the container first so yay to the babies! :p

There there, that's apple in the container! sooo fluffy! check out his cheek! stuffed with lots of food :p

My first time holding Apple! his fur is soo soft, he is sooo manja and he is soooo cute! :p Looks like a cotton ball kan? :p p/s: he was throwing out the food from his cheek, the food was so warm! i wonder how long has he stored those food in his cheek :p

My lil fluffy baby! :D cuteness overload already :p that's all for today! :D

??

Distance means so little when u mean so much to me :)

I love you andrew

:c

I cooked fried rice for myself just now. It smells so nice and i thought it would taste nice too but..

man thats the most boring food i've ever eaten in my entire life T.T

How can i be so bad in cooking?

Future husband and kids, i dunno who you are but please please, bear with me k? :B

ICU

So yeah, just got to know that im deployed to Intensive Care Unit in IJN. I dont know whether i should feel happy or not.

Crazy life

Change.

He is in higher sem of engineering;
While Im in my final sem and going to work in few months time.
Maybe we are old enough to just do our own thing,
To just stop chatting and messaging whole day,
And maybe its time for me to stop behaving like a kid;
Who always wanted attention and love.

If this is true love, we dont have to chat whole day to remind ourselves that we love each other, i know this is the truth but i just dont know how to deal with it. When he told me he is busy and cant spend time with me,(many many days) i chose to be grumpy instead of being understanding. I felt guilty and bad all the time for behaving like that.. i know i shouldnt but what else can i do? i dont know how.. If we want to change someone else, its better to change ourselves first. God, lead me.. show me the way and tell me what should i do. Change me into a more understanding person, a more open minded and matured person oh Lord. sigh =(