Lesson to learn :)

Today is a very exhausting day for me, early in the morning i was tagged with a senior staff nurse to take care of a patient. Few hours later, my deputy nursing manager (DNM) came to talk to that senior SN. After whispering for few minutes, my DNM walked to me and tell me that I will be in charged of this patient all by myself until the next shift because of limited staff available on that day. MAN! I was so shocked to hear that because Im not ready at all since all these while we were tagged with senior staff to learn new stuff only, I never handled a patient all alone before. Although I was a bit reluctant but another side of me told me, why not? So I just said okay to the DNM and told her I will try my best.

My first task was to dilute Morphine for my patient, I need to break 4 ampules of Morphine to get the dosage that I want. Unfortunately, when I was breaking the 4th one, the tiny piece of glass somehow slipped out of the plastic cover and cut my thumb. It is not painful at all but the worst thing is that my blood flowed out like mad just because of a small yet deep cut. I tried my best to hide it because if others realise this, things will get far more complicated such as I have to see my ward sister to inform her about this, and earn myself extra scolding and nagging, and lots and lots of forms filling, the writing of incident report, worst come to worst, I need to go emergency department to get my blood checked, to see whether I've infected by any viruses or not. -.- AND! I will add one more 'needle stick injury' incident to our statistic and affect my ward bonus. HA-HA. Funny. Okay come back :) So yeah, I tried so hard to stop the bleeding, i quickly wrapped my thumb with tissue and continue to dilute my Morphine because patient needs it already but the blood just cant stop flowing out, until there's blood stain all over my syringe, patient's plates, cups, everything that I touched, you name it. -.-

This is ampoule lo, we need to break it to get our drugs.

Second task, I need to take patient's blood for Arterial Blood Gases analysis. I syringed out the blood like a pro, everything went well until the very last step, which is before I inject the blood into the machine to analyse the blood... sobs, before I inject the blood into the machine, we are required to roll the syringe to expel air bubbles in the blood. Due to my injured thumb, my hand cannot really function well so I think I rolled too vigorously until I heard something like 'piak' on the floor. When I look at my syringe, its already empty!OH NOOOO.. The plunger just fell on the floor, and of course, including the blood, its everywhere.. T.T There was an abang there, repairing the machine so I called him, abang, darah jatuh... with my big eyes and kesian look. He went speechless for few minutes and during that few minutes of awkwardness I was soooo regret because why did I choose to tell him? He is not even a cleaner, who can help me to clean up the mess, or someone who can help me to reverse time, or a nurse to help me to retake my patient's blood. He is just an outsider, repairing our ABG machine.. sweat max... But he replied me la in the end, haha ( crows fly over )-.-

So yeah, after the thumb cutting and blood dropping incident, Im seriously dyed with blood, I think I cut my thumb at 11am, until now (9pm), my thumb is still bleeding! I just dont know how deep is the cut. sigh. My pants, my shoes, dyed with blood too..

After the choatic events, I really want to thank God that nothing 'badder' happens to me and my patient. My patient is healthy and stable, he loves me, he keep promoting me to his family members, and keep saying thanks to me when I ended my 12 hours shift for today :)

This is really my first experience in taking over a patient and its definately a lesson to learn :)

Havoc in ICU

Hmm I just received my salary today :D My large amount of money will only last for few days because I have so many debts and bills to pay, sighhh life's so hard!

Today I stayed back in ICU for extra one hour because emergency happens everywhere such as emergency chest reopen, emergency reintubation, sudden drop of blood pressure after surgery and etc. All happened in one time. Fuhh! I didn't stay back to help to resuscitate patient or help to reintubate or be scrub nurse in the chest reopen surgery, haha I only act as runner to help them take this take that, do all the easy but very very important tasks and actually I helped a lot okay :D Runner is very the useful punya :D

Talk about the reintubation patient, he is only an 18 year old very skinny teenager. He was just extubated this morning but he has difficulty in breathing in the evening so doctor suggested to insert the tube right into his trachea again ( This is called as intubation lo :) )

Like this.

Doctor explained the procedure to him, she told him if he still cannot tolerate well, she will 'tebuk satu lubang dekat leher sana supaya adik mudah bernafas'. SHE SERIOUSLY SAID THAT. This poor patient got so scared, he kept geleng his head indicating that he doesn't want to be poked and doesn't want that tube, I can see the fear in his eyes, and for sure the doctor was just informing him, not asking for permission so no matter how, the tube still has to be inserted to save his life..how sad.. Countless of drugs were given to him to sedate him so that he cant feel the pain or become restless, me and my friend were there with him throughout the procedure, we held his hand to let him feel that we are always with him. After half an hour of havoc, finally he has been intubated successfully, and his condition turned far better than before, thank God for the amazing skill of the doctors and also the help of the nurses, he does not need to ditebuk lubang dekat leher anymore :)

My conclusion is: We are just so blessed to be born healthy, so be thankful, friends :)

Who says nurses must wear in white and angelic uniform? See me, very the professional juga :D

Nah, i look like this when I dilute drugs everyday :p That's all for today :D

Thought of the day

Today when I was having lunch with my church leader and friends after church, I chatted with my mum through Line. My church leader asked me why am I so busy? I told her I chat with my mum, and I smiled :) She asked me do I talk to her everyday? I nodded and said yeap! I always try my best to call my parents everyday, just to talk for at least few minutes or listen to their voice.

For some of you this may seem a bit too 'manja' but for me, okay I'm not being negative or cursing my parents, they are in fact quite old already, I cant be with them all the time, I'm always afraid that bad things might happen to them and I cant hear their voice anymore so I appreciate each time when I talk to them. This happened to me before, the last time my grandma called me, I actually spent time to talk to her despite busy studying in study room that time. I walked out of study room and called her back, and we had a really good chat. ( Before that I never bothered to talk to her or call back when I missed her call. bad huh? ) Little did I know that that was the last time I talk to her via phone because few days right after that, her condition got worse due to cancer, she was hospitalized and can never talk properly anymore. After few months of suffering, she's gone :C When I think back, I am really really glad that I listened to my heart and chose to just spend time with my grandma, at least I still remember what was the last thing she told me.

*wipe tears* Okay back to my parents! Yah of course I do feel annoyed and lazy to call them due to the super bad line here, but my self conscious does not allow me to use this as an excuse to not calling them. Oh ya I found my mum's letter for me in year 2010, that was 2 years ago and if I'm not mistaken, I was still in Semester 2 that time.

Cute letter :)

For those of you who cant read or understand mandarin, my mum actually said that she's afraid our relationship will become distant if she does not contact me everyday. I cried when I read this yesterday. Now I'm reminded that she didn't call me just for the sake of calling, she calls me everyday just to make sure that we are still as close as ever even though we are far apart. Guess every mom thinks like that right? :') Hmm to end this long naggy post, I would like to urge all of you out there, spend some time to talk to your parents, or at least just call to say hi. They are getting older and older, getting more and more lonely at home because all of their kids left them to study outside, and I'm sure they miss you all and want to hear your voice. So yeah, call them maybe? :)

I've been in ICU for 2 months already, I've seen sad cases especially little kids get admitted after heart surgery, conditions went from bad to worse, moms cried their lungs out, kids turned unconscious, even big needles that are poked into their soft skin cannot wake them up. I feel very sad for their parents and relatives, its so hard for them to accept this, let alone asking them to sign forms and consents for doctors to perform surgeries on their beloved ones. Life's hard, appreciate yourself, and be thankful that we are born healthy. :')

Money, aih..

Guess im one of the very few people who's still using not-so-smart phone. I never feel ashamed of using it because i love my phone and most importantly i bought it with my own hard earned money few years ago but since everyone's using smart phone, sometimes i just feel so left out. Cant deny that im already working and I should be rich enough to buy a smart phone, to pamper myself but the truth is, a smart phone is just something that I want, not something I need. It's really not that necessary, so my salary doesn't allow me to have one, i just cannot afford. Many friends ask me why dont i just ask my parents to buy one for me? nah.. If this is an option, i would rather choose to use this old and lousy phone for the rest of my life. Who would ask parents to buy her a phone if she's already working? It should be my turn to be good daughter and buy them whatever they want as an act of love. Right? Im just 21 and here I am, worrying about my future and financial problem.. what a life~

Our testimony :)

After my sister Hui graduated from Matriculation Labuan, she has been worrying about what course to take, which Uni to choose, where to go and etc. Me too actually, i wanted her to study in KL so that I can meet her here in KL.

Finally she made up her mind to choose physiotherapy in UKM as her first choice so she applied it with the faith she gained from our Lord. Without knowing where UKM actually is, I just said okayyy great! because i only know its in Bangi, KL, quite far but that made me happy enough to think of the fact that i can always meet her up whenever i'm free.

Months passed by, she got to know from her friend that UKM actually has another branch in Titiwangsa, I was in Subang back then so i don't really know and care where her UKM is, i just thought, oh.. Titiwangsa, far from my place Subang la.. yeah that kinda thought.

She has been praying so hard to get accepted by UKM so that she can study here in KL with me. One day she came up with a random thought, something like eh bibi your IJN (my hospital) is near my UKM do u know that? something like that, i said OHHH U GET ACCEPTED BY UKM ALREADY? she said not yet, she just have faith that she will get it.

True enough, according to Matthew 17:20 , if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. It's because of her great faith, she got it! :D When she's finally here, we went to look for her Uni and hostel. Little did i know that her uni is just few mins walk from my hospital, and her hostel too!! HURRAYYYYYYY!!!! When we are done with registration and stuff, we went to her room.

(Due to her severe back pain, she has been worrying that she will stay at higher floor because she was told that all the juniors will stay at higher floor, then she would have to carry her super heavy luggage all the way up and might further injured her back.)

I really must give God glory because Im sure God knows what she's thinking, so He changes things around and let Hui stay at ground floor, with a sweet little chinese girl as her roommate. Her friends that stay at 4th floor told her that their locker is really really dirty and old but thank God, Hui's locker is brand new and her room is really really clean. And, the toilet is just near her room! :D I really thank God because He grant everything that Fui asked for, literally everything! :D And not to forget, she found a Methodist Church and also made so many new and friendly friends, who used to study in UKM before, so they will always be with her to guide her and tell her tips to survive in UKM. tehee.. I do hope that she will go to my church so that we can spend more time together but slowly la, as long as she feels comfortable there, and as long as she's in God's house, who am i to stop her? :)) ALL GLORY TO GOD! :D

My key :)

Oh ya I just turned 21 few days ago, when my sister Fui came to my place, she brought along present from my parents:

My parents gave me a cross and a key! together with the necklace :) Why do we get a key on our 21st birthday? This is because when we are 21st, we are considered old enough to be a keyholder to our family home, the key given for our 21st birthday is the key to adulthood, and we often given the privilege to come and go as we pleased, at what time we liked.

In short, this is a key to freedom! :D

Although this is an old tradition that has long since become an obsolete cliche, the symbolism of the key on the 21st birthday lives on.

Love letter? :p

When i was cleaning and unpacking my stuffs, suddenly i came across this lil paper. It was my first letter from my patient! I got it when i was in sem 1. That patient is a teen, maybe 17 or 18 years old, he gave the letter to my ward sister and asked her to pass it to me..

Gosh! he asked my ward sister! she's a.k.a the big boss in my ward! She gave it to me in front of everyone.. awkwardness~

Im still keeping this letter because I think its very sweet, at least someone in the ward, especially my patient appreciates me :D aww this definitely made my day today.. hehe