YELOOOO

YELOOOOO. Who is still writing or reading blog? I think I'm gonna start blogging again, blog about my working days, be it happy, sad or angry day so that next next time I can read back and reminisce my working life in IJN hee. I now list this as my random and sudden new year resolution : To start blogging! :D Be excited!

GE 13

Today is 7th of May, Post Election Day 2. Yes this election indeed changed us, we become more united but is that all? Im so sick and sad because everywhere I see, I see Cina babi, Cina balik China posts in FB. I mean, come on people, this is the 56th year we Malay Chinese Indians and bumiputera live together under one roof, how could they still say something like this?

I have nothing against other races, Im sure all my Malay friends dont hate me too. I have so many Malay friends back in my college and hospital, they all treated me well. Probably because Im friendly too :) My point is, Chinese, please please.. Dont do something silly that creates chaos, whats with the silent walk? whats with the mask and the black parade? whats with the terbalik Malaysia flag? Are you aware of what you are doing? I know you guys love Malaysia but can you think first before doing something like this? This is really offensive, you cant play a fool with our Malaysia flag, it will lead you to all kinds of troubles only. I appreciate your guts to do this for a change but you should think of the consequences too! And now what happens? The extreme people use this as an opportunity to create tension between races. Apa lagi Cina mahu? What kind of title is that?

What else we Chinese want? Im a chinese, let me tell you what i want.

- I want fair and clean election, and at least allow changes. You see US, they hated blacks but changes happened and they have Black as president. Cant Malaysia change too? - If this election can cause so so many problems and nothing changes, i rather not to have election. - I want Malaysians to love each other, say no to RACISM. - I want everyone to fear God, fear and respect your own God. When you fear God, its unlikely you will do things that your God hates. Crimes, Adultery, Corruption, you name it.

When you are on top, its hard to resist corruption. I mean if you and I were president, how many of us can resist and really say no to corruption? That's why, fear your God.

We dont always know God's plan for His plan and thoughts are always higher than ours. There's surely a reason God allows BN to win for this election. So bi, no more complaining, I will have faith and follow God's will. No matter who wins, I pray to God to forgive all of us, and I pray for better Malaysia. Amen!

Random

Today is 30th of April, how time flies. My eldest sister is coming back from US in 4 weeks time! And my parents are coming over to unite with the 3 of us. How much Im looking forward for this day to come :D Hmm if you are wondering, i've been good :) Life's good with my youngest sister with me almost all the time. Hospital is quite busy now, im scheduled to work double shift this week but thank God i at least have a day off, which is today! :D Night shift is my favourite now, I get extra pay, and night time is less busy with not many doctors around to disturb you. But one thing, I always go to church right after my night shift and that is really killing me :x I fell asleep during the service, yawned like crazy and looked like zombie all the time. Im sure people will be wondering what was I up to the whole night, hey dont judge me, i stayed up the whole night when you all were sleeping okayyyy :p But the good thing in church is that people dont judge, Amen! haha :) This is a super random post, just feel like typing but I have nothing much to talk about. Ghost stories? yea my ICU is quite haunted but God's grace has sustained me till now, :) I mean its normal to have ghost in this kind of place, people come and go (as in dead), some go peacefully, some suffered till the end of their lives with no relative around to be with them. Maybe due to the drugs effect, some patients always talk alone and claim that they are talking to their friends or family. I have one patient kept calling me and asking me to wake her daughter up at the other bed. I looked at that empty bed, and smiled to her like hehe, very funny~ That bed is empty aunty, what you want me to do! And one uncle keep waving and asking his wife and daughter to go nearer to him. Even at night, he will talk and laugh alone too. This is rather scary and annoying as I kept imagining what if there really is someone there talking to them? :x Oh well, choi choi choi. hehe Thats all la, tata!

Old woman

Hi Im back :D Its been 7 months since I started working, my payslip! :D

Despite all the ups and downs, I still thank God for this job opportunity, and Im starting to love my department already. One problem Im facing now is that Im having backpain and I cant bend my body without feeling uncomfortable anymore. This is the problem that most of the nurses will face and now its my turn. sigh. Now i realized the importance of Body Mechanic. Too late.

我的姐妹们

There was a time when we used to tell each other: “Lets meet & plan something!”

and now we say: “Lets plan and meet some day”. Thats how the life change

姐妹们，我想你们了 :c

Faster faster fasterrr!

Why did I choose nursing? Why didnt I choose to be a teacher? If I were a teacher, I wont have to reflect what have I done and what have I missed after every shift, I wont have to worry that much. This kind of life is hectic. Im constantly worried. If I were a teacher, of course I do feel stressful but I guess the stressor comes from student's bad results only eh? Or maybe heavy workload plus management problem (as far as I concern la) In my case, every single mistake can lead to super serious mistake and may harm patient. This is really stressful. Tho i tried hard to avoid mistakes, sometimes I can just make mistake unconsciously. Thank God almost all my mistakes were near-missed so I guess so far so good la. I keep asking myself what if this is not near missed? What if I didnt realize, or someone else didnt realize? Things will be way complicated. There was once I diluted a drug, it was a vasoconstrictor drug. I subconsciously took another drug sticker, which was a sedative and label on the vasoconstrictor drug. I guess God knocked my head and made me realized what have I done. What if I didnt realize until the end? People are just gonna give the drugs according to the label, no one will know what is the content of the drug, since every drug looks the same, colourless. Labeling the drug is important to identify what drug is it but it only applies if we label correctly. Right? Conclusion is, I cant wait to get out of hospital and live a carefree life. Or at least make me a senior who knows everything asap. Im tired of being a junior who always need to listen to the seniors. Some taught you well; some made you confused. At the end of the day if you follow this senior and did something wrong according to her way, you will be blamed. Happens to me all the time, whenever I get nagged by others for doing things wrongly my mind will be full of hatred and blaming the senior who taught me wrongly. How much I wanted to just tell the whole world IM JUST DOING WHAT I LEARNT! STOP BLAMING ME! but yeah, I can only do that if Im some VIP's daughter. True story. 4 and a half year to go. Time, please fly faster. :C

Dead, or alive?

People say its good to be alive, but what so good to be alive if you are going to spend your whole life on a bed, living with so many complications and machines all around you? Eyes? Constantly closed due to light sensitivity. Nose? Tube is inserted to feed you milk and medicines. Mouth? Another big tube is inserted that reaches the lungs. Heart? Supported by inotropic drugs to help your heart to function. Lungs? Supported by ventilator to help you to breathe. Skin? Bleed everywhere due to impaired skin integrity. Backside? Bedsore at the back due to long staying on bed and impaired skin integrity. Kidneys? Hemodialysis is commenced due to renal impairment. Private part? Another tube is inserted to drain out your urine. Relatives? Visit you with full protective equipments due to your highly contagious infection, until you cannot even see their faces.

Talk about relatives, this patient's partner stays in hospital everyday, waits for every limited one hour of visiting hour just to visit her beloved one in icu, only take one meal in a day, neither rice nor noodles, just bread. You think the patient is suffering? I think the partner suffers more, physically and mentally. How many of you can afford to see your beloved one like that? From that very handsome face, the face that you were once so attracted, to the present distorted face? From the very muscular body, to the present bony and smelly infectious body? From how you and your partner used to spend time together, to right now, one staying in ICU the other one sitting and missing you at the hospital lobby.

People say its good to be alive, what if you are living like that patient? Do you seriously want to be alive? I will not. :(