Emo midnight post

I drank a cup of coffee at 10pm, just to make sure that i can stay up late to finish my drama, how silly right? But that's life, i mean, its hard to get a day off and u know the fact that you can sleep till u wake up naturally without being nudged by friend to wake you up or without being woken up by your alarm. I feel really good now :)

In the previous post i talked about that ah kong right? The bad news is ah kong has passed away today, in a positive way, ah kong has left the pain, suffers, and worries on earth and returned home to meet Jesus already. I bet his relatives are very tired too.. Ah kong is not alone, he suffered physically while the relatives suffered mentally.. Its hard to see your beloved one laying on the bed and gasping for air, and seeing his condition deteriorating from days to days.. Honestly although its hard, but i would rather choose to let them leave the earth and return home in heaven earlier, its better for the both patient and relatives.

Although i love my grandma very very much, but i felt quite relieved and peaceful when i heard that she has passed away. Its hurt to think of her condition and imagining the pain that she suffered, fighting with the cancerous cells, stiff body, bed sore, dry mouth, seeing relatives cried because of her, bet popo felt very very sad too.. I still remember ahui once told me popo told her that she will be going to heaven very soon when she was very alert and conscious, before she was admitted to hospital. Whenever i think of this i never failed to cry. Popo loved us so so much.

My last holiday i went to Kuching's methodist church, it brought back soo many memories with popo..i used to go to that church with popo and my aunty since i was very young, but due to exams and endless tuition, and also we moved out from popo's house,we backslid and decided not to go to church anymore. We will only go occasionally such as christmas. -.- While singing song in church, popo's face suddenly came across my mind and tears started to flow down again. I remember how she carried her bottle and waited for us to get in the car.

Im very sad now. REALLY REALLY SAD.. I MISS POPO NOW.... :c

Im supposed to write a random post, about the ah kong but memories somehow brought me back to the days when i was with popo.. emo night, after watching the tearful korean drama, here i am again, facing the laptop with my tears again..

Its hard not to cry, when we say goodbye. Popo, bet you are in heaven already, please please, please drop by my dream and talk to me because im am missing you so dearly. Watch me from heaven ba, i love u and will always love you.

From your bibi :)

Brand new experience :)

Since i have no one to talk to, let me just share it here la ;)

Im currently posted in the most most mOST happening ward in Pantai Bangsar Hospital, which is ward D2. If im not mistaken this is an orthopedic ward so you can find lots of fracture cases where patients cant move at all, so its our job to maintain their skin integrity so that sores will not occur.

I have this old patient with 92 years of life experience, he is warded due to malnutrition. At first when i look at him, he looks so (sorry to say) scary. Very thin, has an nasogastric tube, i can only see his sclera and his mouth is constantly open to gasp for air (i think). So there's this day, I was instructed by staff nurse to change his pampers, that was my first contact with him. I tried to move his legs because i need to take the soiled pampers out but his body is too stiff, and he shouted "aaaAAH" when i moved his body. I got scared! (as in omg did i hurt u??) but i was with staff nurse that time so ok la, not too bad =x

Since i am quite a senior in that ward ;p, staff nurses will call me to do every single thing, from big to small, clean to dirty because they believe that i can handle the responsibility now and do everything alone without help. So... They started to ask me to change ah kong's position, change his pampers and feed him through the tube, without giving me the chance to find a partner to help me. (I MUST SAY THIS: In a busy ward they will just throw tons of instructions to you, your answer must be yes, not but! "but staff nurse, i dont have partner to help me" << try to say this, and you're dead. =x they will not accept any excuses or craps) At first it was kinda hard for me, very hard actually, i tried to find my junior to help me but geez! where on earth is everyone? no choice, had to do all by myself.I went into his room, pulled the curtain, make sure no one sees me so that i can figure out what to do with him inside ;p i stood there looking at him, really dont know how should i start. :c To cut the story short, i managed to change his position and pampers and feed him successfully but of course, he was in pain, and begged me to stop moving him. sigh failed =x

That night, i prayed to God to give me strength and wisdom to help him, i also prayed to God to reduce his pain and make him feel better. Its sad for me to see him suffer like that, he reminds me of my grandma :C The next day, like usual, im supposed to change his position and pampers and feed him every 3 hourly in 1 shift, so i will be seeing him almost all the time in that ward. I kept saying sorry whenever i hurt him, talked to him although he is not so responsive, and hold his hand when he is in pain. I felt like im treating him like my own grandpa already. Yesterday i was in evening shift so when i reached the hospital, i visited him. He became so weak. He will shook his head to ask me to stop instead of voicing out his pain because he's too weak to shout. At night,I was supposed to feed him at 9pm but my bus will pick us at 9pm, i really dont know what to do. I asked staff nurse, she said, kalau tak buat, siapa boleh tolong saya? with kesian face.. aiti act kesian with me..then i say ok la saya buat la, so i did it very very quickly, like i didnt even talk to him, i just quietly do and finish everything in 5 minutes. (my bus will leave me if im late!) I felt very bad in the bus, i dont know why. I felt that im not sincere at all.. I went home and prayed again, this time i prayed for his healing and asked God to take away his pain.

Today, ah kong seemed responsive, he started to nod his head when i talked to him, i tried to ask for his permission to do the routine procedure on him, surprisingly he nodded his head! :D i was very happy that time! :)) His mouth and teeth is full with blood stain so staff nurse asked me to perform mouth care for him, so.. i need to clean his teeth! ;D i felt like im taking care of a baby eh, feed, change pampers, and now.. clean teeth! i've learnt that in sem 1 but surprisingly this is my 1st time doing this procedure. I prepared everything, covered spatula with gauze and used that to clean his teeth, together with a solution. I told ah kong i need to clean his teeth and asked him dont be afraid because this is not hurt at all, i suppose? Clean clean clean and i started to think that the spatula is too big for his mouth, so i used my hand instead to clean the unreachable part. I naughtily said, uncle dont bite my hand oh! and he opened his eyes and look at me. @.@ terkejut :p I dont know where is the blood in his mouth from so i dont really dare to clean every part thoroughly, so the last part, i asked him to open his mouth and show his tongue because i need to clean his tongue. SURPRISINGLY! he followed my order! i said that just for fun and just to inform him i am going to clean his tongue only, never did i expect that he will listen and follow my instruction. awwww~ When i was cleaning he always open his small eyes and look at me. So sweet kan? :D

I still have 3 days in that ward, i really hope that i have the chance to see ah kong being discharged from hospital. 92 years old is not easy, hang in there ah kong! Get well soon! ;)

Untitled

If you have time, try to read back the first few posts in your blog. They really can remind you of all those happy, sad, angry, frustrated and crazy memories.

Everyone can read my blog so i cant post whatever that is in my mind now. I really wish I can have a private blog, and blast everything there, without anyone knowing..

What's wrong with me? I'm just missing the old me.. The happy, carefree, easy to forgive and forget and friendly me. Guess I've grown up to realize that I don't live in fantasy already. Sometimes I'm afraid to be too happy, because you know that sadness is waving and waiting for you at the end of the day.

All I can do now is to pray to God, because He is the only faithful person in this entire universe. If my earthly daddy is sooooooooooooooooooo good, what more about my heavenly daddy? He will not leave me nor forsake me. I know that :)

To you my friend, don't hesitate to make me feel sad.. Just go ahead, because i have someone to cry on and depends on right now, He is none other than Jesus :) so do whatever you like, im not gonna stop you anymore :)

伤感。。

有时，你期望越高，失望越重，爬得越高，跌得就越痛。。 我们做人最好是什么都不要期望。。 该来的就来，该走就走。。 不是你的，不管怎样你都不会得到，是你的，不管你要怎样逃避都逃不了。。

心冷了，心也灰了， 怎么办呢？在这样下去，还是办法吗？

Long Distance Relationship

High school sweethearts pursuing college degrees in separate and distant universities, lovers who ran into each other online and awaiting for the day they meet each other physically..
These are the typical examples of long distance relationship.

I have a boyfriend, we've been together for 3 years. Now that Im in KL and he is in Kuching, I've got no choice but to deal with being miles apart from him :c It is very depressing I can say, especially when I see couples everywhere, when I am sad and when I have something very happy to share. But this will not stop me from loving him.. :)

They said distance makes the heart grow fonder.. For me, i just think of it as a challenge. You see, couples who got the advantage of meeting up with one another frequently somewhat fail to count their blessings after some time. But for long distance relationship, you have every reason to defy distance, to keep the connection alive, and to look forward to seeing each other like it’s the most important thing in the world!

If you want to keep the relationship, then no one or nothing should persuade you to do otherwise – not your family and friends, and most especially not the distance.
Distance should not be the basis to end a relationship. Distance should be considered as a test to make the bond stronger. Test will eventually become testimony if you can withstand peer pressure, temptations, and even lust! ;)

Go on. Maintain the long distance relationship. Prove everybody wrong.

Father's Day

Father, I know I'm late. I'm sorry.. If you are sensitive and emo enough you will be looking at all the cards that we've made for you and present that we bought all these years and think, " where have my cute daughters been? where are the cards that they used to make for me? Are they getting further and further away from me? "

I know you will not think like that but i cannot help myself from thinking that way. Pa me and ah ying really wanted to make something for you.. Aying suggested to make a video full of our pictures together with you for your father's day present.. I told her I dont want to end up crying til our eyes become swollen the next day. Last night we chatted till early morning.. She suggested to write a letter for you, as your present. Again, I told her I dont want.. I dont wana cry..

Now I know why we can make all the cards for you and mami when we were young. It's because we were always close together, 'i love you' seems so meaningless and easy to say. Now i can cry in 0.2 secs if you want me to say that word or make a card for you. Thinking that we will not have much time together is really torturing me. I hate to think of stuffs like that :c

Everyone is getting older.You and mama are staying alone right now. You can do whatever you like, eat whatever you want and smoke as many as you can. But you know, this is very hard for me, I can cry every night thinking how are you two doing there. That's why i keep avoiding myself from thinking of all those things. I just cannot afford to see anyone of you to fall sick.

Done with nagging.. I just want to say thanks for your everything. Your time, energy, money, love and your patience for us. You are really a great father. You dont have to teach us how to live.. We know how to live by watching how you live your life. You are indeed our role model, the kind, smart, funny, sporting, handsome, patience and great great great to the infinity dadi! You should know how great you are just by seeing how much we love you. So please live healthily, avoid doing things that can harm you alright?

I LOVE YOU VERY VERY MUCH PAPA! HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!! :)))

Hope

Hope,
When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."

There is a little girl in Australia. She wanted to attend Justin Bieber's concert so badly but as you all know, JB is so famous that the tickets were sold out in just 20 minutes. She could not get the ticket in time. With great disappointment, she went to her mum and complained to her.

Her mum looked at her and said: "come, let's go to the stadium and have a walk around the stadium. Maybe we can find some tickets on the floor.."

Of course there is low possibility that someone would actually drop the precious ticket on the floor but they tried it with hope anyway. So the mother drove her to stadium without any hesitation. Both of them walked around the stadium and kept their eyes on the floor to search for any tickets on the floor.

You may wonder what makes the mother has such initiative to drive her to stadium and give her false hope..But what's inside the mother's heart was actually "what's the big deal of driving my beloved daughter to the stadium? It is great if we can find the tickets; if not, i will just give her a warm hug, let her know that i will always be with her no matter what happens and tell her At least we have tried.. "

They saw a couple while they were searching for the tickets. The couple smiled at them and asked: "what are you two doing here? aren't you supposed to be inside the stadium now?"
The mother answered: " Actually we dont have the tickets to enter, so we are here to see if there are any tickets on the floor."
The couple was amazed by her answer, one of them said: " so do u mean you are finding the tickets by faith? "
"yeap! by faith and hope that we can find them."
"Wow! are u both christians?"
"yes we are!"
"oh great.." the couple said.."you know what, we are christian too, and we are JB's parents.. we are going in now, so lets go in together!"

So in the end they sat in VIP seat and got the chance to go to backstage and they even got the chance to meet JB. This is what happens when you have hope..Hope is the only bee that makes honey without flowers. So whatever you do, dont lose hope.. Impossible will become possible, if and only if you have hope :)